I will start off by saying that I am not fat, but I could lose weight. I am 5'1" and I am currently in the 160's. I'm not sure of where exactly because I haven't weighed myself in a while. I am trying to get down to 125lbs. I don't have an exact time to where I want to be that weight because I haven't started on my journey yet. The day I start it, I will put a three and a half months time on it. I can do it. I know I can. I've lost 15lbs before and it was fast and fun to me. And it made me feel better and more comfortable in my skin even though I wasn't weighing as much as I wanted to. Just knowing that I was making that progress alone and not doubting myself was just enough for me. You could feel the happiness coming out of my pours when being around me. Now I'm back with being unhappy with my 15lbs gained.
I'm not completely unhappy, I just know that I can be happier in my skin and be more confident about myself and the way that I look. I don't go shopping for clothes anymore because I don't feel good or "right" in wearing the clothes that I like. My style doesn't involve showing much skin, but I like my clothes to fit me. To where I can squat and my whole butt crack or back show and to where also my boobs can breathe and not be in pain in a shirt/blouse I have on.
When I get a job, I'm going to buy everything I need to lose weight: running shoes, work out clothes, sports bras, yoga mat, healthy food, and good earbuds + iPod holder. And I'm also going to dig deep inside of me and find that determination that I once had and keep it! I miss that happy person I once was... I have to find her again.
So, these past few days, I've been wondering... how can I determine myself without depressing myself with horrid torturous thoughts? Well, I went on Tumblr and searched up the tag 'weight loss' and I saw that a lot of people made a list of goals and what how they would reward themselves for coming so far and losing that weight. It gave me an idea and the best idea I could ask for. So here is my list of goals:
•150lbs: Get a bar piercing.
•140lbs: Buy myself a new pair of running shoes.
•130lbs: Get started on my side tattoo.
•125lbs: Get a whole new wardrobe and throw out all old clothes.
That is my list so far, but I'm pretty sure I'll add more. I don't want to weigh anything less than 125lbs. I refuse to. Once I get there, I'll focus more on toning my body. Not too toned. Just...perfect. P.S: My list does not include birthday or Christmas wishes. (21 days until I'm 21! WOO!)
One thing I am so scared is losing too much of my boobs and ass. Although, I've always had a fat ass. If my boobs want to go down to a C cup, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just want to be happy. Happy to where I can love myself. So someone can love me... So I can date and shop and go out and love every second of it.
That's all for this post. When I start my journey, I will be posting every other day on it. Foods I eat, work outs I do, all of that fun stuff.
Until next time...
No comments:
Post a Comment